Wow, is this blog still alive?

Hi..

Well.. It has been a while since I wrote a post on my blog. Quiet honestly I thought I had deleted this blog years ago. To my surprise it's still out here and I'm not even mad about it.
I'm tempted to start writing again. I don't want to commit to it so I won't make any promises, but I am genually tempted to write again.
I read through most of the old posts on the blog. Deleted quiet some too and I came to one conclusion; If I started writing again it would be like a new person took over this blog. That's how much I've changed.
As I was reading through the posts I thought to myself.. Wow, I kind of miss that Merjem.
Maybe I'll sit down soon and talk about that- Again.. I'm not making any promises.
So much has happened since that last post. So many changes both external and internal.

This will do for now.

Good night.

Justifying the flaws of Qatar

I'm getting a little tired of the "you are rich so you have no worries" treatment. People don't seem to have shame mentioning or implying this topic to me so, I have no shame in clarifying it. 

Firstly, I don't feel a need to make up excuses for my life or to even feel guilt about what Allah swt has prevented from me and what He swt has allowed me to have. Everyone's RIZQ is by Allah swt and it is predestined before we even come out of our mother's womb. But since a lot of people have mentioned or in some way criticized me for living in a rich country, I'd like to give you a little insight on what it's like to live in Qatar.

A lot of people tend to have the same reaction when you tell them that you live in Qatar. Throughout the conversation they mention "how easy it is for you, because you got the money". Or what a "luxurious life you must have", when you mention the shopping malls, that people have maids and restaurants.

People often jump into explaining the struggle for money in their own countries and soon the conversation starts turning really awkward. They say: "It's not as easy for me as it is for you". They tend to explain to you what people go through to raise money and support their families as if you've never heard of poverty in your life. Don't get me wrong, I love to help out and I love to listen with an open heart. But when these words start turning into a comparison, it really get's awkward for me. You Don't know what I've been through in life, and you "Don't know what I've experienced and what not. 

A typical conversation:

-You are able to buy lots of abaya's, because it's a Muslim country anyway

- No, believe it or not they are too expensive, so I barely have any myself.
-How much are they?
-About 400-600kr a piece
- that shouldn't be a problem to you, you can afford that... 

Well Excuse me, but who made you my personal economy chancellor?  And second of all, my husband doesn't work day and night for several weeks outside home, just so that I can by myself expensive abayas. Why do people think that they know everything about you? And even IF I could afford them, have people no shame in nosing into someone else's economy business? This is the problem. People think that in Qatar we get our money in the mailbox with our newspapers every day. They think that our job is all about sitting back in an office chair, with a pina colada drink in one hand, while we wave a check at our face with the other hand, as we complain about how hot it is in Qatar.
Allah swt has several destinations for all of us. The chapters in our lives are very different and all of them are there to benefit us. "Everything that befalls a mu'min is good for him". Where ever you are right now, and whatever you are going through is good for you and it is where you are supposed to be. Do not envy someone else, because behind that shiny surface there might be a very dark and ugly ordeal.

I've had my fair share of experience when it comes to "not having it all" and "lacking" in life, and I still do - who doesn't? But alhamdulillah I am very satisfied with that. What I don't like is when people start implying how perfect my life is and that I should just shut up.

The Rich People in Qatar

To be fair, some people are indeed born rich in Qatar and in the Emirates. They never have to study, nor work. EVER. I guess that's where the "Brilliant" ideas come from where they start sending billions of dirhams to Serbia for women to enlarge their breast? - but that's another story.

Regardless, there are loads of facts that need to be explained from a non-Qatari's point of view. And obviously I will only be speaking for myself and from my own experience.

Everyone who lives in Qatar is NOT a billionair or a millionair. Neither are they ALL rich! Believe it or not there are even Qatari families who are struggling with their economy and they work humble jobs to provide their family. Jobs such as selling food to people on special events or so. It's rare to see or to hear about this (because it is a shame to a Qatari family) but it exists.Not to mention the non-Qataris.

It is true that most Qataris are very rich to the point that they sell and buy "special" phone numbers for thousand- if not millions of riyals. - A trend with which I am personally disgusted by. Some Qataris have great jobs but most of them are rich because the society provides them with the money.What can I say? It's their country, and it's one of the richest countries, so why should they not provide their own people with money if they have that possibility? - I bet any country would do that if they could.

But what about non-Qataris who live there? Do they get the same treatment? It is in some way fair to say No, we don't get the same treatment as the Qataris. It is not our country, but we still chose to come here, because we came to work for a better life, not expecting the better life to just come to us. This means that we would have to pay for the water and electricity bill and the Qataris wont. We will stand in queues at the airport and the Qataris won't. We will be sent back home when we retire and the Qataris will stay in Qatar. We will struggle to find a job and the Qataris won't. We will pay for education and Qataris wont etc etc.. Yes, we live just like we would live in Europe.

You will rarely find a Qatari doctor, or a Qatari street worker, or a Qatari builder, never a Qatari cleaner or a Qatari server, yet these people are the ones who build the country. They are the ones taking care of the sick ones, and helping deliver the Qatari babies. They are the ones building homes for all of us, and feeding us. Regardless of that, they don't get to stay in Qatar unless it is for work purposes, if they are sponsored by their husband or family, we won't get the same sallary as the Qataris and we never get a Qatari passport.

These people work hard for every penny that they earn. People here work just like they would work anywhere else. I won't ignore the fact that the salary is better payed because of no-taxes and richer society etc (it's mainly why non-Qataris, and even non-Muslims come to live here. But money sure does not grow on trees just because you live in Qatar. These people stay away from home for months. They miss out on their kids growing up and family events.. but they do it for the sake of giving their kids a good education, a better life, food on the table and hopefully to spend their money in the name of Allah swt on zakah and charity. Yes we swet for money, we bleed for money, we sacrifice sleep and health for the money that we earn... surprised?

Lifestyle in Qatar

The lifestyle in Qatar may also be what tricks people into thinking what a luxurious life one has over here. I rarely post pictures of myself on FB, because as soon as people see me standing by a palm tree, or sitting in a coffee shop, or standing by the beach, they immediately connect this to a life of perfection and a life of luxury- just because it's Qatar. You hear about the malls, the outside-dining. the cinema, the maids, the money, the wealth and you automatically connect this to me. As if  I suddenly own the entire country. I won't speak for everyone when I mention this, because we are all different and Allah swt has given us all different things in different amounts.

But  I will speak from my own experience. As a housewife I get to stay at home a lot. I'm lonely most of the time, and through out most of the year I barely get to go outside. Sure a 10 minutes walk in the frying sun is possible and I suck up  some D-vitamin but it's not enough. Without having a drivings license (yet insh) I am very depended on my husbands who's job requires a lot of time outside home. So, I would stay at home for days and weeks. When he comes back we are able to go to a mall. What does a mall offer? Shopping, Eating, Cinema etc. What else do you really do there than spend your money? We could find a spot on the floor and just sit there and watch bypassing people walk by as we talk about how we should not do anything else than spend our money on charity and zakah, but Allah swt did not forbid us to enjoy ourselves a little bit too.

 - To be quiet honest, I watch women walking around with their Prada bags, DnG heels and expensive makeup.. But, THAT does not define MY life, and it does not define MY goals in life. And I am tired of being put into this category. I don't fit in. I get tired of going through shops, and looking at materialism. My favorite time in Qatar is during the months when the weather is mild and welcoming. It reminds me so much of Sweden, the picnics and fishing and just going out and being social with family and friends.

I love that Qatar has to offer beautiful masjids and adhan and beautiful beaches and the construction of the buildings and other places. I love how beautiful it is here, and I love living here even though my heart yearns for Sweden. But I refuse to justify my life here to people who chose to stamp me as the rich ignorant princess who lives in Qatar and has no experience of a hard life.
 

In fact what am I supposed to do? In fact, what are people who live in Qatar supposed to do for entertainment other than spending time in malls and restoraunt and paying for boat rides during a time where one is breathing fire when stepping outside home? - So because people outside Qatar want to see us humbling ourselves, we are supposed to do the same thing that people do in the west or Europe? Does that mean that we should force ourselves to spend more time outside even if this means that we will fry and eventually die from a sun stroke, just so that we don't spend any money only happy days? - In fact, I do agree that Qatar as a rich country (and any other rich country) should spend more money on minimizing poverty and helping people in need, but then again, what do I have to do with this? Why do I always get to hear this as if it's MY fault that Qatar does not focus on important issues in this world? - How does that even tell you wheter or not I give in charity, and how much of my money goes on charity and how much on living? - If people could just stop generalizing! I did not give brith to and raise every Qatari that you see in Qatar, and in shaa Allah the kids that I do give birth too will be taught  the virtue of giving and charity In shaa Allah.

I once sat in a salon in Bosnia and the hairdresser asked me where I live and I replied that I live in Qatar. She praised the country and explaine dhow she admires it. I directed the topic towards muslims and the islamic part of Qatar, but then I started hearing a woman in the background speaking with disgust about "if it was so great then why don't they spend money on others than themselves?"... So, what am I supposed to say? "Oh I am sorry, I will make sure that I raise them better?" .. No really, what am I supposed to say? Why do I always get a stomach pain whenever someone asks me where I come from? Fo I always have to apologize? For what? A country that isn't even mine? A country that won't even accept me as a Qatari even? - I have the right to be happy in the country where I am without constantly veing beaten up about the fact that it's a rich country. 

 I've met a few wonderful Qatari women in the masjids who have approached me and let me into their private circle. I've met so many wonderful friends and that's really what brightens up my life in Qatar... No, it's not the money. It's my sisters, the great weather and being outside in the nature when possible.

MAIDS
 No I do not have a maid and may Allah swt forbid that I ever will be in need of one permanently because that -to me- will mean that something is wrong with me physically. I know that some women prefer having maids come and clean their homes because they want to focus on other things in life, but this is basically from my point of view on maids (I was raised this way and I'm fine with that).

I've had a made come and help me clean my apartment due to health issues, but other than that I've never had a maid living in my home. I say all of this and you are probably thinking that I have something against people who have maids or use maids- but I don't. Unless you have lived here, you will not understand why anyone would want to have a maid in their house. "it's like having a slave" I heard people comment. "Maids are treated poorly" is what I've heard other people say. But do NOT speak of what you don't know off.

First of all, these women and men who come to live in Qatar with other families are (to my knowledge and experience) provided with excellent care, food, room, bathroom, money etc. If they need anything they ask for it and it is given or bought to them. If the family can trust the maid they bring the maid out to picnics or other family gatherings. Sometimes this is to take care of the children, but I've seen maids coming along just for the sake of enjoying themselves too.

Back in their own countries they are starved and so are their families. They are sick and can not afford medical care. Some are even threatened to be killed if they do not pay certain dues or whatever the society want's them to pay. So, these poor people seek desperate help to come and work in Qatar. Now remember that it is not the Qataris who kidnap slaves to their homes, no, it is the maids themselves who ask to come and work for the families in Qatar. Maybe these maids even have a doctor's degree in their own country, but they will still get less payed than if they worked in Qatar as maids. They do get to contact their families, and they send money to their families every month. If they want to leave Qatar they can leave at any time- of course this is a long process because the family who asked for the maid had to pay for her trip and everything else.

When I just came to Qatar and I interacted with a few maids, I was immediately drawn to them emotionally. I listened to their stories from India, or Somalia, or Uganda, and it teared my heart appart. I never for a second though that I had to be careful with these people, because to me they were poor and innocent. due to my ignorance It angered me when I was asked to keep a bit of a distance from them. But what can I say? - As a European a maid was someone who I learned to pitty and wanted to help. I do not want to speak ill of the less fortunate but I soon learned why I was asked to keep a distance and to treat them professionally, instead of having an emotional connection to them. Sadly in environments where they come from, they are often forced to steal or lie, and can be manipulative. They might have gone through traumatic experiences and might react aggressively when approached in a way that would trigger that behaviour to come out. I've learned this the hard way. And when I saw that for myself, I was disappointing,. Here I was opening up to them and opening my heart up to them and I was used, but did I think bad of them? No- of course not. I just learned that when they are treated professionally (by command or restriction) it is for their own best and for the safety of the family in the house. Yet again, I promote kindness, and I have heard weird stories about maids who have been treated poorly, may Allah swt punish the people who do these things, but never have I seen it or heard about it in the news or anywhere else. Without generalizing, I want to mention that all people are different and there are surely maids who will give you no trouble in shaa Allah. 

So, why do some women have maids? Well, if you have been in Qatar you will have noticed that Qataris don't live in little humble houses or tiny apartments. Their houses are ma shaa Allah like castles or museums and they find pride in it. Well, at least that's how the houses seem to me. So, while the mother is preparing the food, the maid is cleaning the castle. Perhaps the mother has gotten old, or she has health issues, so it's a good thing to have a maid on the side.

Yet again, I won't generalize, some people just want to live like kings and queens, and that's why they have maids.
But am I going to make excuses for it? Noooo... :)

No country is perfect. Look at your own country and tell me that it's perfect. Alhamdulillah my goal to stay here is to be closer to Allah swt. Each and everyone one of us has a choice in life and we chose how to live. Just because you live in Sweden, does that mean you answer for the racism? Does it mean you celebrate Christmas?  - No. Can you change any of that ? - No. So why do people expect me to justify and excuse every single wrong thing happening in Qatar and why am I considered a Qatari with a mind set of a qatari person? - I've lived in Bosnia for 2 years in Denmark for 16 years, in Sweden for 5. I'm in Qatar for 3 years, does that suddenly make me a ignorant rich perfect qatari princess?

Ok.. I got the fustration out. :D Feel free to comment.

Change of heart towards Qatar

Assalamu Alikom!

Subhan Allah, I just need to say that I really feel like I've started to settle down in Qatar. 2 years now, and I have a feeling that I might be able to call Qatar my home alhamdulillah.

I've realised that by Allah's help your future lays in your own hands. What you do with your days and your attitude towards life has a great effect on how you feel over here.

It is hard to find your fitting social group, but keep looking. Try researching, try looking up social home pages where people usually gather. Go to www.Qatarliving.com or www.iloveqatar.qa. Maybe you will find some friends there and you will feel less of a loner.

Being new and lonely in Qatar can really tear you up and lead you into depression. Ouch, I've been there and it's hard getting out of that stage once you have fallen in. Especially if you have no driving license or no car to take you out of home and get you to crowded places. Don't get me started on the Taxi transport system *sigh*.. But hey, it's not as bad as it looks.

There is also the weather which limits you from going out, and makes you feel locked up inside all day long. You know the drill, from home to car, from car to the mall and other way around again. But subhan Allah, October, November and December are beautiful and chilly months where you will get the chance to actually discover the beauty of Qatar. Visit the beach, go to parks, have a picnic somewhere outside.. And don't stop there..

When the weather becomes hotter find yourself other interesting things to do. Plan on getting a license. Get involved with people. Plan your days and fill them with ibadah, hobbies and joyful things that will keep you going.

I've written about Rawnaq by Fanar :  RAWNAQ POST. If you got crafty hands you don't want to miss that place. they got EVERYTHING from beads and jewelry supplies to sowing supplies. So get busy being creative.

Use this time to do lot's of ibadah. I often remember the stories of scholars who wished they could go to jail only for the sake of the free time they would get to do ibadah in. Alhamdulillah unlikeother contries in Europe or the west, Qatar really allows the woman to fulfill her obligations propperly as a housewife and a mu'mina.

Ever since I started this group on Facebook for expat sisters:  Sisters in Qatar, things have just been different for me. It has made such a difference subhan Allah. With the events that we are hosting on here it just seems to really work out for all of us in there.

Recently we had a picnic where we got to meet up and just hang out for the sake of Allah swt. It really fills the heart with joy and calmness. One realizes that you are not alone. There are other women in your exact same position. You realize that you have kind and warm hearted friends who will do fun things with you, who will understand you and who will be there for you... having just one such friend by your side is a happiness completed.... not to mention more than that :)

Ramadan is comming up!

Assalamu Alikom all happy people :)

It's been a while since I wrote a post and I feel a bit bad about it, but I have to be honest, I have been kind of absent and busy with other things in life.

Ramadan is coming up in shaa Allah and my excitement is on TOP! I will try to do something different during this Ramadan. My sister Ayah  introduced Sara and me to a "Ramadan Challenge" where we are to decorate our home for Ramadan, set higher goals than usual when it comes to Ibadah, and prayer. This is going to be fun in shaa Allah and I can't wait to start!

We are definitely off to Rawnaq for some deco shopping in shaa Allah and I will gladly share some ideas and inspiration on my blog!

Prepare for ramadan in shaa Allah. Here is a wonderful home page by Yusuf Estes where you can prepare yourself for Ramadan in shaa Allah!

Don't sleep it off! Get creative and use Ramadan well... Who knows if we will live to see yet another Ramadan.. The month of Mercy :)

http://ramadanreminders.com/

Friends for Allah's sake

 Assalamu Alikom all happy faces!

It has been a wonderful week subhan Allah. To me a wonderful week is that one where Friday finally comes and I can say: "This week has been full of barakah and I have learned something new".

Yet again, I am struck my Allah's (swt) Glory. His (swt) Mercy and His (swt) wisdom. Yet again I am left speechless, and amazed by His (swt) greatness. All I can really do is to utter: "Subhan Allah, Subhan Allah, Subhan Allah" As I shake my head.

I don't even know how to put these feelings into words. I can not describe my thoughts, and it makes it very hard to write this post, but I will try my best.

I have truly yet again been reminded of what a friendship "for Allah's sake" really means. I've yet again been reminded of the ease it brings and the productivity that it increases.

It's almost been 2 years since I moved to Qatar, and no matter how hard I tried to struggle with my Deen on my own, I knew that I needed muslim sisters around me to help me through and motivate me through trials and hardships. Our religion stresses on the fact that our surrounding matters to our deen and eeman. That friendship has a great influence on the minds of people.  This influence can be in a positive way as it can be negative.  The adage says: “Tell me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are”. 

The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said: “The Mu’min (believing person) is the mirror of his/her Mu’min brother”. [Abu Dawood]

Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said: “The good companion is like the person who carries perfumes (for sale) while the bad companion is like the one who inflates bellows (to inflame a fire)”.

This last hadeeth basically means that a perfume seller smells like perfume and he will make you smell good when you come to buy from him (Such is a good friend who will affect you with good). And the man who blows into coal to inflame a fire will have a bad smell of ashes and smoke, which he will most likely leave with you when you come to buy coal from him (such is a bad friend who affects you in a bad way). 

Subhan Allah, I have finally met two sisters who have left such a great influence on me. Sudennly I have gotten the motivation to do so much ibadah. I feel like my days are filled with barakah, and my soul is happier than it has been for  a long time. Subhan Allah, my amazement is caused by the fact that it only took another God-fearing person to lighten up the productivity and motivation inside of me. 

With this said, I have immediately introduced yet another friend to our little group and slowly I am hoping that we will be able to grow like this.

Your surrounding really does affect you. If you want to become a better Muslim, try to look at the people who you are spending your time with and ask yourselves if there is any kheir (good) in it. Do they help you nurture your soul with ibadah? Do they remind you of Allah swt? If they see you committing a sin, will they advice you for the love of Allah swt?

I need to go now, so I have no more time to write. But I hope that you will benefit from this text :) insh  

Greeting oneanother

Assalamu alikom. 

A lot of times happen where we pass by a Muslim brother or sister and we greet them but they chose to look away without an answer. Perhaps they did not hear you? - But what if you are completely sure that your "Salam" echoed in the hallway and wasn't able to be overheard? Then what could cause a person to ignore your greeting? Is it Qibr? Do they look down at you and think that they are better Muslims than you, just because you do not wear your hijab? Or your Niqab? Or your Abaya? Or your Sunnah beard? 

In our contemporary society, friends are made at school, at work, in neighborhoods and even over the Internet. Friends are made and kept for a variety of reasons. People make friends with others who share common interests, hobbies, and even vices. The final goal of a friendship is often simply company, a desire to spend time with someone, doing something that they both enjoy. A Muslim ought to choose friends more carefully and critically.

Certainly, Muslims, like everyone else, want friends who share interests and who are fun to be with. We all enjoy having a picnic with a friend or going out to dinner with friends, and who wouldn't like to go to a gathering with some of their best friends? But, that is not only what a truly Islamic friendship is all about. In fact, an Islamic friendship is not that simple at all. In Islam, true friendships are bound by brotherhood and sisterhood, bonds that are stronger than typical friendships. They are bonds that exist for a much higher reason and with a greater goal.

Muslims make friends knowing that the relationship they will ensue is an important bond between two people who share mutual goals. Their friendship is one that exists primarily for the sake of Allaah the Almighty. The love and camaraderie that is born from such a friendship is a secondary benefit, for sure.

 
True love for the sake of Allaah

Love for others comes in different forms. Love between a husband and wife is one type of these forms, all friendship is another form. However, all forms of fondness that any one person can have for any other person, for the purpose of this article, will be referred to as love.

Realistically, pure love of another person only for the sake of Allaah is difficult. Few people can attain such a friendship, which is why Allaah rewards such an act of faith generously. The Prophet explained, "Allaah said: those who love one another for My glory will be upon Minbars of light [high positions], and the Prophets and martyrs will wish that they had the same." [At-Tirmithi]

Nevertheless, many of us, in an attempt to reach this high level of faith, must try to make and build strong friendships that benefit us and our Ummah. In Islam true friendship is brotherhood or sisterhood- a bond that is strong and enduring. In this bond, men and women can find the sweetness of faith as the prophet said: "There are three things that whoever attains them will find the sweetness of faith: if Allaah and His Messenger are dearer to him than anyone or anything else; if he loves a person solely for the sake of Allaah; and if he hates to return to disbelief after Allaah has rescued him from it, as much as he would hate to be thrown into the Fire." [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]

The rewards of loving another for Allaah's sake are consistent with its importance. Its impact is not singular- it affects the entire society. For entire society to exist in harmony and peace, its constituents must be at peace. If we could each want for our friends what we want for ourselves, the world would be a better place. This is what Islam ensures. If there is brotherhood and unity among the people, the society at large will be united.

The Prophet instilled a deep-rooted love in the hearts of the companions to create a model Islamic society that all Muslims thereafter can emulate. Prophet Muhammad tried to eliminate hatred, jealousy and rivalry by inducing brotherhood, a sincere love and friendship. The Islamic society is ideally built upon the foundation of brotherhood, as the Prophet advised: "Believers are like a structure, parts of which support one another. The believers, in their mutual friendship, mercy and affection, are like one body; if any part of it complains, the rest of the body will also stay awake in fever." [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]

How to love someone

Since love among the believers is a condition of faith in Islam, the peace and harmony that is desired by all can be achieved, as each individual strives to do good and earn reward. So, what can we do? How can we be sure that our friendships are for the sake of Allaah? Our lives are full of opportunities to increase and improve our friendships. First, as with any undertaking, we need to make clear, pure and sincere intentions. Pertaining to the existing friendships that we already have, we should make a conscious effort to love our friends for the sake of Allaah. When we make friends in the future, we should also make conscious intentions that those new friendships will be for the sake of Allaah.

After a pure intention, we need sincere actions. The Prophet recommended a very simple but significant way to help Muslims gain brotherhood saying: "I swear y the One in Whose hands my soul is, you will not enter Paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Shall I not tell you of something that if you do it, you will love one another? Spread salaam [greeting one another saying: As-Salaam Alaykum] amongst yourselves." [Muslim] Greeting each other frequently and lovingly is the first step to achieving the ideal brotherhood.

It would seem that greeting another with "As-Salaam Alaykum" is an easy action. However, given the nature of men and women and our vulnerability to changing emotions, sometimes these simple words are hard to utter. In other words, there are times when even this simple greeting is hard to say to someone with whom we might have argued. The beauty of Islam is that it is realistic. So, it is allowed for us to take time to "cool off," but we are not allowed to cut off friendships based on rash and unreasonable emotions. The Prophet said, "It is not permissible for a Muslim to be abandon from his brother for more than three days, both of them turning away from one another when they meet. The better of them is the one who is first to greet the other." [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]

These teachings encourage Muslims to improve themselves, thereby improving their society. "Do not break off ties with one another, do not turn away from one another, do not hate one another, and do not envy one another. Be O slaves of Allaah brothers." [Al-Bukhaari]

The Prophet's memory and words live in our hearts and minds. Heeding his advice, we should realize that we are supposed to be brothers or sisters in Islam because we share a common religion and belief. We are to be brothers and sisters in our hearts because we share a common goal-Allaah's pleasure.

For more of such posts visit: www.islamweb.net 

 

The present signs of doome day

Assalamu Alikom Dear YOU who is reading this post right now.

Lately I've been very occupied with so many things on my mind. You've probably heard about the earthquick in Iran which was even felt in Qatar. The bomb in Boston. The millions of people who die in Syria. People who still suffer and loose lives in Palestine. People dying in Africa. Iraq too. How about the muslims who are slaughtered in Burma? What about Ghazza? What about the chaos in Egypt? The messed up governments in Denmark, America and where not?

Have you noticed the weather changes? Snow never seems to go away in Sweden. Rain keeps coming to Qatar... Where did spring go in Europe and the west?

Why am I mentioning all of these things? Because Allah swt has given us sign in the Qur'an which tell us that Yawm al Qiyam (Doomes day) is soon near.

  

·   Naked, destitute, barefoot shepherds will compete in building high buildings. Naked barefoot shepherds are people of the east. The Gulf and Qatar and so on. You may Have noticed that only 60 years ago Qatar and Dubai looked NOTHING like they do now. All you could see there were bblankets of sand. They have erected tall buildings worth of billion of dollars. Money waste is severe among them while there are people in need of medical care, and shelter.  

 · The slave-woman will give birth to her master or mistress. This refers to children disrespecting their mothers. And it is a very comon thing today. 

 

· A tribulation which will enter every Arab household. This may refer to TVs, satellite dishes and the internet-when misused.

·   Knowledge will be taken away (by the death of scholars), and ignorance will prevail. Subhan Allah, I browse the internet and I end up on sites like Youtube f.ex. People like to upload videos, sharing their piece of mind on certain topics, but subhan Allah, all I see is emptiness. Everything has become "comedy". Youths keep leaving school for the sake of involving in entertainments. They obviously figured that making others laugh is a "passion" more worth that educations and knowledge.
How about the Muslim youth? For some reason many of them are not much better. They waste their time sitting on 9gag or making blogs about what they wore today or ate today as if that is the only thing that matter in this world. - Fashion Fashion Fashion... 

 

·        Wine (intoxicants, alcohol) will be drunk in great quantities. Indeed it all ready is the case. It's all about partying and drinking. But I want to point out another type of intoxication as well. The word has started to discover that our medicine and vegetables and fruits aren't as health yas we tough it was. Obviously dangerous chemicals are being sprayed on our food which may or may not give us future side affects. I will not include this fact together with the alcoholic intoxication, but this is something that is going on a lot today as well.

·   Illegal sexual intercourse will become widespread.

·        Earthquakes will increase.

·        Time will pass more quickly.

·        Tribulations will prevail.

·        Bloodshed will increase.

·        A man will pass by the grave of another and wish he was in the latter's place.

·        Trustworthiness will be lost, i.e. when authority is given to those who do not deserve it.

·        People will gather for prayer, but will be unable to find an Imaam (leader) to lead them in prayer.

So, basically, these are all of the present signs, and they have almost all happened. I feel like time is so tight and that we need to be better. Work more on our deen and eeman and just try our best not to waste time and commit sins. 

Peace..

 

Poem: A kiss of the rain

Assalau Alikom!

I wrote this poem on December the 16th year 2009 and edited it on April the 15th year 2013

A kiss of the rain
 

As softly as it gently fell,
I heard tipsy sounds on my window.
I could already predict and tell,
that it was playing in the rose's shadow.
It wished us no harm but only well,
so the shiny drops fell so low so slow

As rain gave us a watery crown,
many faces were filled with grimness.
Please do not, oh do not frown, 

for it is finally raining, so don't be careless.
Don't be sad, oh don't be down.

Please do not wander in blindness

Lift your kind and warm hand,
and watch the drops caressing your palm.
It washes away sins from man,
and slows your heartbeat from fast to calm. 

Wasn't it soft as feather sand
when it glided down your arm?

I gazed trough the soft rain
and caught a glimpse of purple delight
When it fell i felt no pain,
as though the drops were lighter than light.
It was bound to my heart with a gentle chain,
oh, you sweeter than sweet rain.

With my soul I kissed the shiny drops,
because rain brought me happiness and bliss.
I will love the rain until my dear heart stops,
and I will forever long for the rain's soft kiss.

I kissed the rain for it's kindness.

The Painter of our life

Assalamu Alikom.

I don't know where to start... 

Honestly, my mind is full of words, but they can't seem to find their way out. 

I've started to realize how life has it's ways of leaving little print on our being, after we've gone through an ordeal. Prints such as a change of personality, or an added quality, or a lost one. 

Ordeals... They are indeed strange things. They may hurt, and bring you down. They can be a cause of sorrow and grief, yet somehow they end up becoming so beautiful. 

I described the ordeal as a Painting where Allah swt is the Painter. When you stand too close to the painting, you are not able to see what it resembles. You are not able to see what it means, nor what it looks like as a whole. All you understand is that one color which your close up distance, allows you to see.

Perhaps it is a black color, and you think it resembles death while it was only there to create a beautiful dimension of life. Perhaps it is a gray color and you think it resembles dust, but it is merely a beautiful garden stone . Perhaps it is a brown color and you think it paints a grave while it resembles a beautiful tree .. 

When you finally take a step back, you are able to see the the entire painting. You are able to see the entire picture, and by taking a step back you are able to understand the purposes of each and every color. And each and every stroke. 

You are able to understand what the painter wanted to deliver when he used the brown color, the black color, and the yellow color. 

Suddenly it all makes sense.. 

How is that related to ordeals? 

Well, throughout life's experiences I've slowly came to realize that every ordeal was connected to something in life. If we did not go through THAT ordeal, we would never have been able to cope with certain other things in life. 

The problem is that while we are going through that ordeal, all we see is a close up of it. We do not see the meaning of it, and we do not see what it resembles.. Until some time passes.. That is the distance... Which allows us to understand the patter of that ordeal.. 

Trust my dears... It's all about the trust in the Painter of our lives.. 

Alhamdulillah..

My week

Assalamu Alaikom!

How have you all been? I've been pretty okay alhamdulillah.

Ismail has been off to the rig for the 5th or 6th time this month and I'm trying to get along with the loneliness. Alhamdulillah, it isn't that bad when I fill my days with lots of work and creativity... But I don't always have the same motivation to be all productive without him.. :(... Oh who am I kidding? - I hate it..

But, kheir kheir kheir..

I've baked quiet much lately. Especially after watching this food-movie called: Juliet and Julia ( i think), I got very inspired to bake.  I went off to Youtube, and out of some reason I felt like baking "Creme Caramel".. With little confidence, I followed the recipe that I found, and to my surprise.. I made such a delicious Creme Caramel! It was so good, that I and my husband ate it all in on day, even though we agreed to leave some for the next day :D

I've focused a lot on my Video. Yes, a video that I want to record and post on my blog. It is going to be about fashion, Islam, and global affection.. Does it sound interesting? Well I hope it will be in shaa Allah :) I believe that there are going to be a lot of interesting facts in it :)

Pixie? Pixie has been sooo naughty to the point that he got me really angry! This is the second time that he pokes a hole in the trash bag and pulls out trash from it. Last time he pulled out a dirty tissue and he threw up after he ate from it! :(

This time he had dragged the bag all the way to the living room and the carpet smelled bad because of it. So did he!.. He got a nice bath... He still stinks though. I'll have to bathe him again, and that is a good enough punishment! It will teach him not to repeat that foolishness..

See, pixie has been kind of a pain some times. As I mentioned before in a blog, he bites and scratches and behaves in a really bad way... At those times I decided to sell him, or give him away. Then again, some days come where he is super cute and cuddly, and you just can't imagine that he would ever be mean! Like yesterday he played fetch with us! Yes fetch like a dog :)... Adorable..

There's wet pixie.. he looks so upset! muhaha :)

 I also went to the cinema with my husband. Horrors are not my favorite, not that the movie which we watched was a horror, but close enough.. Hansel and Gretel... ! I loved it. It was exiting and there was lot\s of action in it. Simply awsuum.. I just didn't like the blood shattering and crushed heads :P

The popcorn was great as always. I've never tasted sweet caramel popcorn before I came to Qatar, and I must admit that it is simply delicious and addictive!

I've also become such a fan of nachos and molten cheese. Sometimes I add those hot jalapenos but this time I was not really up for it.

Finally we got home, and had some hot dogs and chai latte-caramel for dinner. While husband is relaxing with a game, I'm writing in my blog. He sure does deserve to just play for a while after all that time on the rig.. Kheir in shaa Allah :)

That's all for tonight :) Good night and sweet dreams :)

What a Husband loves in A wife?

Assalamu Alaikom..

I consider this topic to be important today.

Right now.

The relationship between a man and a woman. 

Specifically,

A Husband

and 

A Wife

----------------------------------------------

It is a time of my life when most of my friends are either newly married, about to get married or are married for a very few years. I'm married for over one and a half year now, as well. 

I've met some of them or spoken to some of them at some ocations. We've just been catching up on each others news, and I've started to notice that whenenever there is a talk about marriage, wives had certain things in common. - Feeling the urge to be recognized as a woman. 

Now I don't see anything wrong with such an urge, but what I do question is; why does that urge exist if you are a muslima? Why does it exist when we know that Islam was a gift to women in specific? To higher them and to value them like no one has ever valued them before? - I'm speaking to Muslimas in specific.

"I can let days pass where I don't talk to my husband until he apologizes, because we both know that he was the one who was wrong!"

This is a typical sentence that I've heard over and over again. Communication isn't always what it is supposed to be between two married couple. And misunderstandings can appear. Feeling misunderstood or blamed for something that you did not intentionally do can hurt really, really bad, but what hurts more if you do not put a stop to it. So, what do we have to lose if we approach our husbands, caress them gently (proving that we feel their pain at that moment) and we just apologies? I can answer that question- We have lost NOTHING. Opposed to it! We have gained so much else. 

1. His Respect

2. His Trust

3. His compassion 

4. His apology

5. Him being careful and considered of YOUR feelings.

But, we are raised in a world where feminism is bursting out of ever corner. We are taught to fight for our female rights, as if we don't all ready have them. As if Allah swt didn't all ready give them to us back then when this world wasn't able to differentiate between a woman and poison! We keep running around shouting "I am not oppressed", well if you aren't oppressed then stop acting like you are, and stop putting your gender before your marriage. You won't become less woman if you give in to kindness and forgiveness. 

I am not saying that women are always wrong and men are always right. Both partners can make mistakes as we are but only human beings. But, our focus should not be on the mistakes themselves, rather on the solution.

a) Cooling down is one very important thing. There's a very famous saying which I believe that every single person on this planet has heard about, and that is: "Don't add more coal to the fire" and "You can not turn off fire with fire". So, as our Lord Allah swt The All Mighty and The All Wise advices us to do, we should either leave the place/room where the argument is happening. Lay down if you are standing or sit down. Take wudu (ablution) in order to cool yourself. If you need to cool down for 2 hours, so be it. A discussion never remains just a discussion when a person is heated up in anger. 

b) Patience is the key to all problems. Oh, YES, I know it hurts deep inside when your tongue has so many words on it's tip and you are pressing those lips together in order to imprison your frustration and opinions. What really hurts is your ego. Your arrogance, because your need to be right, and heard. It is your NAFS. This is a great way of breaking it. Once you've broken through your Nafs, you'll experience that next time an argument occurs, you will have a lot more patience, and you will be able to solve the issue with a fresh and calm heart. - No one get's hurt.

c) This is a fact (go ahead and research about it, or ask your own husband), that men do not feel attacked by women who shout and yell at them. Allah swt created the woman with a soft voice. A voice which is calming, and relaxing. A voice which she uses when she comforts her children and her husband. When she raises her kids and talks to the hearts of others. While the man's voice is deep and rougher as he needs to use it for other purposes, such as creating stability and order at work, and during protection of his family.

[30:21] Among His proofs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves, in order to have tranquility and contentment with each other, and He placed in your hearts love and care towards your spouses. In this, there are sufficient proofs for people who think.

Qur'an [25:74] And they say, "Our Lord, let our spouses and children be a source of joy for us, and keep us in the forefront of the righteous." 

Personal note:

I know that many of you will misunderstand and comment: "Well some women work too", or " men should also participate in raising children, not only women". And I agree with you, I did not say that ONLY women do such and such, and ONLY men do such and such. Please focus on the text that I have actually written and not the assumptions which you are creating in your own mind (if so). 

Allah swt created us differently for a reason. We are different mentally, emotionally and physically. No one on earth can argue against proven (scientific and biological) facts, so let's not get into the "gender-eguality-dilemma-discussion". 

 A man is created with an ego which he needs to poses in order to put himself into a situation where he has to be the head of the house.( I am not speaking of selfishness and hierarchy, I'm speaking of him needing to be the protector of the family that he has, just like a king has to protect his country and take responsibility). Where he needs to take care of, not only you as his wife and kids, but also his own parents and siblings (if they need help). Economical support (note that in Islam a woman is freed from these responsibilities unless there's a special case)*. Allah swt has put a lot of responsibility and pressure on your husband's shoulders and Allah has given this man the qualities, attached to his personality, so that he can fulfill these tasks. 

* [4:4] You shall give the women their due dowries, equitably. If they willingly forfeit anything, then you may accept it; it is rightfully yours.

Being a leader is not necessarily a priority as many people may think out there. 

Note:

Dictionary: A leader is a person who rules or guides  or inspires others.

So let's admit that most men in normality do have an inbuilt quality to be and feel like leaders. 

So, do you yell at a king? Do you lower a president? Do you disobey a leader whom you chose in life to be the protector and helper?- No? Or maybe Yes?

 What happens when a husband is lowered? When they are yelled at? - They feel repulsed(by you) and humiliated. You are basically bruising his existence. Wounding his pride. Denying his effort and responsibility. At this point, you can not except to have him understand you and your feelings or needs. You have created a wall between the two of you, thicker than the Chinese great wall!

 What follows next? He doesn't see a cute and emotional woman in front of him anymore. He doesn't see a wife in need of being understood.. When you shout and argue, you are no different to him than a man who he argues with at work.You are treated like a man because you act up like a man. He sees no femininity in that personality of yours anymore and he starts highering his voice back at you as the rival that you have shown to be.

But let's say that a wife doesn't higher her voice. Let's say that her husband made a mistake and despite it, she shows kindness and love towards him. Knowing that whatever happened was surely not because he is an evil person. Let's say she approached him with a hug and apologized. Maybe she even let her anger or disappointment out through tears. Wouldn't a husband immediately soften up? Wouldn't he immediately put the whole blame on himself and take her into his arms? - in normal cases, this is what happens.

We fail to recognize each others needs. We fail to put each other before our selves. Is it really all worth the drama? One little apology can open up so many doors of happiness.

Next time you have a misunderstanding he might think twice before he acts up, or before he says something that might hurt your feelings. The memory of how you went in the way for your own feelings to meet his, will always be engraved in his mind.

You both are raising each other up. You are raising your marriage up like it was a baby. When you restrict each other from using a bad language, hieing your voices at each other, calling each other names, showing anger and rage openly, giving in to your anger, from the VERY beginning, you will see how much things will be easier later on. 

Putting rules such as: 

*We do not talk to each other in a bad way!

*We do not interupt when one of us is talking!

*We do not yell at eachother!

* We do not curse or use a foul language!

*If we have a problem, we find a perfect timing to discuss, instead of bursting out at each other at any time posible.

*We do not keep feelings, of being hurt, a secret.

*We communicate as much as possible in order to avoid misunderstandings.

*We give each other space when one of us isn't feeling well.

*We are positive and tolerant about our differences.

* You are your own person, and I am my own person.

* I take care of you, and you take care of me. 

*Our different tasks in life might not be the same, but they are equally valuable.

There is no need to let issues rule a marriage. And it surely does when you let 2-3 days or a whole week pass of YOUR life time, remaining upset with each other. Instead you could have spent that week praying together so that you raise your Eeman. Laughing together, going out, having fun, and just enjoying each others presence when you have the chance.. 

Words do hurt. And words do stay engraved in the hearts of people. Especially words coming from the person who you are the closest too. Who you are intimate with and the person who promised to take care of you for the rest of his/her life. So better beat yourself up than let a hurtful word come out. 

My mother always advised me likewise: "Rather bite your tongue than argue or say something bad". And I don't know if she means it literally but I surely do take it literally. Sometimes there is no other way than to feel the physical pain inside of your mouth, which you prevented from appearing inside your husband's heart. 

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: "Whoever believes in God and the (Day of Judgment) should not hurt his neighbor, should serve his guest generously and, should say something good or keep quiet."

Sahih Al-Bukhari, Volume 8, Number 158 

In the end of the day, isn't it Allah swt who we really want to please?  Allah swt asked the woman to have patience (also the man). To be humble, pious, gentle, generous and kind. Qualities like arrogance and pride has no space among all of these beautiful words.

So, here is an answer to the main title on this post :)

What a husband finds irresistible about his wife:
- That she smiles at him
- That she listens carefully as she looks at him, without interrupting
- That she dresses feminine
- That she keeps his secrets
- That she respects his parents
- That she has patience during his ordeals
- That she speaks in a soft voice and never shouts in anger
- That he can feel comfort by her presence and not repulse

 Click HERE if you want to read more about muslim marriage

 

 

Novel, SQ fb-page

Assalamu Alaikom!

Good morning all of you morning birds !☼

 It's 7:20am in Dubai and the water heater is making bubbly sounds in my background. I'm feeling a little morning sick, but it doesn't stop me from writing this blog post  ツ - Power to the motivation!

The Yellow Label Tea bag from Lipton is drowning inside the white cup and I've prepared some tea-milk to it ツ It truly does seem like a wonderful day today!

The ☼ is shining through the white curtains and even though I hear workers constructing and digging in the soil, outside my window, I'm still truly enjoying every single moment of this morning. - Power to positivity!

Today my husband will be away for a lot longer time than usual, but I've decided to dig into my novel and just write my soul out!

I have the time, I'm in the mood, I'm motivated, I'm healthy and capable of it, Allah swt allowed me (Alhamdulillah).... So what stops me? - Nothing! ツ

I will in shaa Allah give a short update on my novel tonight!

Just a little observation regarding the group of sisters in Qatar that I am gathering. I can't say that nothing is happening, because slowly things are starting to take shape, but people aren't really that social. It would help if everyone could at least try to be a little more social on the facebook page ツ

It is hard for some to simply just meet up with anyone they met over the internet, so if we could kindly all just introduce ourselves in the group, that would be amazing ツ

When I am back from Dubai I want us to start creating our first meetings and events in shaa Allah ツ

So much from me at the moment!

P.s here's the fb page, so join it in shaa Allah :) http://www.facebook.com/groups/sistersqatar/?fref=ts

Salams!

what comes around goes around

I want to share this beautiful story of an incident that I witnessed today.

I'm in Dubai at the moment and I'm staying in a hotel with my husband. In the morning he leaves for work and I eat breakfast and lunch alone. The past two times when we had ordered something we both tipped the waiter with a little extra money, without knowing about each others deeds. We realized it some time later.

Today was a little different. My husband was in a rush because he was going to miss his buss otherwise. Due to this, he forgot to leave some money on the table for me.

I woke up and ordered some food not knowing that I had no money. When the waiter had knocked on my door I started looking for the money, realizing soon that there was non. I opened the door and told the waited that I had no money right now but my husband could pay for the lunch after he comes back from work. When I saw how confused the poor man got I decided I wasn't going to make it too difficult for him, so I asked him if he was able to return the food? - yes.

I continued my day, not worrying about it anymore, but after about one hour I heard knocking on my door again. This was another waiter who was carrying the same brown bag in his hand. He told me "Here is your lunch", to which I immediately started explaining and excusing myself again. He interrupted and told me that the lunch was for free. It was complimentary from the hotel. I looked at him in confusion, and told him that it wasn't a problem for my husband to pay after he comes back from work, but the water shook his head, refusing any payment.. I kindly thanked him and started thinking "Alhamdulillaj", Allah swt takes good care of me. This must have been a reward for the the tips that we left the other two days ago. Alhamdulillah.

What comes around goes around :)

Sister facebook group

Assalamu alaikom Dear sisters in Qatar.

The Group was created for the purpose of gathering sisters in Qatar so that we can get to know each other a lot better.

Especially sisters who are non-Qatari and they miss to be a part of a jam3aa.

Events and dates will be announced here in shaa Allah, when we decide to meet and when we agree on planing different kinds of occasions.

Please enjoy yourselves and stay positive :)

May Allah swt be pleased with us and our gatherings :)

 Here is the direct url to the Facebook Group: http://www.facebook.com/groups/sistersqatar/

My motto in life

"Love , live, be productive
and experiment; Life is like a playground"

People often blame their negative behavior, attitude or negative actions on their bad experiences in life. Now I'm not neglecting the psychological explanations and facts which say that a person can experience traumas and flashback and disorders from certain happenings in life, but what I AM saying is that we should take those experiences and traumas by the hand and get busy using them instead of letting them destroy us.

I think that's a new quote: "Instead of letting traumas abuse you, YOU abuse them first!"

I may have discovered through personal experience, that it is indeed possible to change your atitude in life, despite the rough past and tough ordeals. This is by simply just living life in a productive and healthy way. I said productive.. What did I mean by that?

Two amazing doctors in psychology opened my eyes up to some amazing facts about life. They told me that life is merely but a playground. A playground for us to experiment on.

In the beginning I didn't quiet understand what they meant by that. But as days passed by, I started to build up my own understanding of it- applying my own life situation to it. I literally started experimenting on my ordeals. I went down to the super market and I bought a neat little note book in which I started to write down my experiments and outcomes. Which experiments failed and which succeeded. Don't get me wrong, because the experiments which failed were not crossed off the list. I kept redoing them untill I managed, and when I managed I had gotten more answers out of them than the ones which were a success from the first try.

I'll give you a plain example: 

Problem: Hanna has a issue with her mother. They are often in a conflict with each other and she doesn't know how to communicate with her. Her mother often seems to misunderstand Hanna. 

Thing's to consider: what is my role in this problem? What to I expect? What am I to do to make it better? 

What is my main goal?: To satisfy Allah swt, and to have a good relationship with my mother. 

Thing's to do: I will read about What Allah swt says about parent in islam, in order to gain motivation and understandment. This is how I get closer to Allah swt. I will ask myself where I do wrong, and I will try approaching mum in a different way

Experiment1: I approached mum as she was in a rush preparing the dinner and started talking to her directly about the issue. She got frustrated and we ended up fighting.

Experiment1: Failed

Conclusion: Bad timing. And I should probably not have rushed with the topic.

Experiment 2: I approached mum with a smile and asked hew how she is doing. She looked happy and relaxed. I thought that it was a great moment to open up the sensitive topic with her so I did. She got anoyed because I ruined her mood. 

Experiment2: Failed

Conclusion: I shouldn't have rushed!

Experiment3. I approached mum. She was relaxing and enjoying a book. I asked her how she was doing and she seemed happy because of my question. I asked her what the book is about and she started to explain enthusiastically. She asked me how I was doing and I told her that I'm fine, but that there was something worrying me. She automatically left her book and turned her attention towards me. I told her I love her very much and that it hurts me when we fight. She recieved my message with calmness and understatement. 

Experiment3: Suceeded! 

Conclusion: It took me 3 times to do the right things. I should be more observant of my mother's emotions and not rush into thinking that I am the only one suffering in this matter. When I gave her my time and attention, she automatically gave me her's. 

There can be lot's of different issues catching up with people, but what is important is that we know where we have ourselves and what our goal really is.

The sentence: "Be productive" has a very beautiful definition. What it basically means is that one should put his or her ordeals and hardships into use. Into action. I realize now that everything lays in our hands. We have options.. To either cry over the past or to put it into use. To help someone else. To write a theory. To come up with a discovery about the human nature. To invent new ways of healing ourselves from negativity... it's all in OUR power- with Allah's help of course.

Just sayen :)..

Peace and God bless